From Chris:

Long ago, when the Earth had been newly formed by the Creator out of Nothing, the Creator sent three of His most trusted Servants from their abode in the still Waters of the Night to dwell on Earth and behold the Wonders of His Work. These three were named Morris, Gish, and Baugh. Each was chosen to perform specific duties when in the new World. Morris was chosen because he was most familiar with the Creator's Mind and Plan. He would teach the Creator's Children of their Master. Gish was sent because he was a master of languages and of the spoken word and he could remember everything he was ever told and repeat it to others as if they were hearing it first hand. He would tell the Creator's children about Truth. Baugh was sent because he was a master of changing one thing into another. He could change water into wine, lead into gold, and rocks into bones. He was a master gardener as well and he could grow a single fruit or vegetable plant that could provide all of the Creator's Children with food just by giving them Blue Water. Baugh was a sculptor as well and particularly enjoyed carving footprints of the Creator's Children in the rock of the New Earth. He would beautify the earth with his works and feed its inhabitants.

When the three Servants reached Earth they at first saw no-one. But then they saw Fire. And from the Fire they saw another of His Servants: Darwin. Darwin had disobeyed His orders and he had come to Earth to see its Wonders. When the Three saw Darwin they became enraged and attacked him. Morris clawed Darwin's eyes out and Gish castrated him. They threw Darwin's eyes and testicles on the ground and told Darwin to return to the Creator. Morris said, "Now you will never see the Truth or be able to pass your knowledge of the Truth on to your miserable spawn!" Darwin left the Three. Baugh decided that some good should come from Darwin's Sin and so he placed the eyes and testicles in front of him and he made one eye a fish and the other eye a frog. "For," he said, "we shall need things to populate the water." Then he made one testicle into a lizard and the other into a turtle. "For," he said, "we shall need something to populate the land." Then he said, "Go forth and populate the Earth! But remember, your offspring must all come whence you came-from the eyes and testicles of Darwin!" That is why these animals come from eggs-which resemble those structures from Darwin.

As the lizard and the turtle crawled away, Darwin reappeared and grabbed the lizard. He cut it in half and threw one half into the air. It became a bird. The Three came for Darwin. In his fright, Darwin broke wind and his incredible flatulence carried the bird away before Baugh could grab it. Birds to this day still fly on the wind that Darwin created. Birds, just like lizards, must come from eggs because of Baugh's pronouncement.

The Three grabbed Darwin and cut him up into little pieces. Out of each piece Baugh made an animal. Since these animals come from Darwin's flesh, their offspring do not come from eggs. Rather, they come from flesh. Bet you can't guess which part Baugh made humans out of.


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